The New Chinese Dating Culture

Now, the program is reaching out beyond China: An Australian version aired earlier this year. Dating is a challenge in Afghanistan, where custom dictates that young men and women cannot be together if they are alone. But college students can get more than just a degree, says Zadran, who is on the faculty for the school's new master's program in gender and women's studies and who focuses on issues of equality.

In his courses, young people also get the rare opportunity to study one another.

They can see each other," Zadran says. On campus, when they walk down the street together or sit on benches to chat, "it's not shameful," he adds. Outside of this setting, it's quite challenging to interact with potential matches.

Chinese Dating: How to Date Chinese Girls

The Wall Street Journal recently reported that Kabul's emergency services number has been flooded with calls from lonely men hoping to strike up conversations with female operators. Talking to the opposite sex on the telephone? That's completely acceptable, Zadran says. When couples conversing on campus want to take things to the next level, they inform their parents. Zadran says a typical young woman would approach her mother with this sort of request: He wants to get married.

Chinese Dating Culture: The Old and New | TrulyChinese Blog

What do you think? If the reputations of the families are "good," Zadran says, the couple typically gets the green light. That's what happened to two of his students last year. They started talking in class and persuaded their parents to OK the relationship. Finding a date is not hard in Tulum, Mexico, says Ana Juarez, an associate professor in the anthropology department at Texas State University. She has followed the lives of several generations of the Caste War Maya women who live in the region, just south of Cancun. Juarez says that even just walking down the street, women can expect to encounter multiple suitors.

Consider, too, the generational issue at play here: That's because her grandparents' and possibly depending on where in China she is from her parents still value marital stability above all else in their time, given the instability and volatility of their eras. In fact, I once dated a girl who would only meet up at places that her parents AND grandmother had pre-approved; as you can imagine none of these places were very fun.

What this often leads to is heavy parental involvement in relationships and dating. This particular cultural difference, is, in my experience, a big reason so many intercultural relationships fail; I know one girl I met texted me five times before lunch the next day — a serious no-no for me but standard procedure for her.

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The man is generally supposed to handle all the decision making in Chinese dating, and some girls take this very seriously. Once I asked a girl what she wanted to do for the date and she just never responded! Anyway, all of this means that in China itself, if you're dating someone seriously, marriage is at least on the table. As a result, being intimate before marriage is a lot less common in China than in the West, though this is not so much the case anymore among younger, more urbanized Chinese.

For men, things overall are not as strict: That said, additional stresses do exist. It's just changed into " Speed Dating ". Not sure if this trend has jumped across the pond yet We do speed dating here but it might not be the same thing We actually use the English word for it. It's usually on the phone or on the web and the goal is to get a girl friend or a boy friend right away. It only leads to fling most of the time To me, dating doesn't necessarily entail kissing or anything else sexual. If I go on a date with a girl, I don't assume that things will go further, although I assume that it's at least within the realms of possibility.

As you've already said you're interested in this guy, I'm assuming that it is within the realms of possibility, depending on how the date goes, so what's the problem? If it goes badly and he misreads your signals, just tell him to back off. I'd also add that him taking you out to dinner and to a movie both sound like dates to me, and if he managed to resist trying to force himself on you then, I'm sure he will this time too.

Purity in Chinese Dating Customs

I'm perfectly fine with "going on a date" as described here. It's just that if you look for the French translation of "going on a date with sb", you'll probably end up with "sortir avec qn" what that guy asked me and in France, that would entail wanting to kiss maybe even wanting sex, for some guys on that date. Which isn't on the realms of possibility for now maybe when we have known each other longer. I asked a Chinese friend tonight who told me that "the poor guy probably felt that [i wasn't interested in him as those three outings were what he thought was the proper way to signal a foreigner you want more than friendship" How's this not dating?

Sounds like you have been on two or three dates already. Honestly if a woman went to dinner and a movie with me, on two different occasions, I would assume she was interested in me sexually. This is probably what the Chinese man thinks. Most women I know won't go do something with a guy one on one unless they are interested in him, or unless he is a very good friend they have known for a long time. Sorry, but I think you sent the wrong message. Honestly I'm not sure what she's complaining about, it seems like she went on several dates with the guy and is interested in him but for some reason feels weirded out by him wanting to 'date' her.

The reason we met at first was actually for a language exchange, he needed help with French, and I need help with Chinese, so what's wrong with that? I have been helping foreigners, guys and girls, with French for a long time. A pub is a convenient public place for this. And this type of language exchange is always one on one, with no other meaning.

Dating Culture in China

Movies have absolutely no meaning here. Unless the girl is already your girlfriend and you want to make out on the back row of the theater.

Marriage Mania

By the way, do girls go out as friends with guys on public places only in France? Most of my friends are guys downside or advantage of having studied computer science and mathematics. While I would never have gone alone to their appartment if not interested in that way, meeting one on one was quite common, if only one of them was available at the time We seem to be much more comfortable with the other gender than you are Beside, I think you never read my replies or perhaps they are not clear enough, maybe my English is poorer than I thought: I'm not weirded out by him wanted to "date" me in the sense given here.

If you call going to the movies and nothing happens at all a date, then yes, I'm perfectly fine dating him. Something more is also in the realms of possibilities when we have known each other longer. I'm not looking for a fling however, neither am I a whore. As I said, the words he used in French which are a common translation of "going on a date" , have an entire different meaning here.

Would you be ready to jump into a guy's bed or have him touch you and kiss you after meeting only trice? I know girls that do, but they are looking for flings and easy sex. As are most French guys who would ask that. Did I sound like I am complaining? Sorry, wasn't my intention, I'm actually very happy that he wants to date me. I just wanted to understand whether he was asking for a fling as any French guy asking the very same question in this situation or if it was simply a cultural misunderstanding which I'm glad it is, honestly. I'd bet that he's more conservative than you with regard to relations, as most Chinese guys are.


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If he's after a fling, I think you would know it by now and wouldn't have to wonder about the difference between "date" and "sortir". As far as I know, Chinese guys appear to be more "gentlemanly" than French, those I know at least.

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Yesterday was a French-Chinese language exchange and there was this Chinese guy that insisted on giving me his seat and taking my chair because it was more comfortable. French guys around the table all looked at him like he was crazy but I thought it was sweet, even if a bit akward because this is the first time something like this happens to me in France, Russians seem to do this kind of things too. That everybody pays for his own bill is only seen with foreigners. So, whenever Chinese are going out, one will pick the bill.

First, there will be a big discussion, who is allowed to pay, one might sneak out to the toilette and on his way will pick the bill, or the highest ranking will pay There is a lot of ceremony about this. That applies, whether going out with family, friends, business dinner or whatsoever - so very normal.

You can let him pay and next time, you invite and pay for him, that's what normally Chinese people are doing.