Kicking out the first message on a dating app is always an intimidating prospect, and you might feel especially dumb if the person never writes back.

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But according to new research, your inclination to message first may mean you are trying to hook someone out of your league. Men tend to be even more aspirational than women when sending a first message.

How to write that first online-dating note

But there is only up to a 21 percent chance that the woman a man messages will write back, and that number drops as the desirability gap widens. The highest ranked person in all four cities was a year-old woman in New York City, who received messages during the period of observation, the equivalent of one message every 30 minutes for the entire month. To understand how people approach online dating as well as who they approach the researchers also analyzed message length and word use.

They found that people, and especially women, tend to write longer messages to more desirable partners — though this is not necessarily an effective method of securing a date. The exception to this rule was in Seattle, where in some areas, there are two men to each woman.

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